This next step is learning ‘anal breath.’ Most people look at me like I am literally crazy when I start talking about how your asshole and how tight you are clenching is one of the most important tool in learning to control your ejaculation.
Anal Breath and Orgasm
For men and women alike, when you orgasm, your asshole (or anal sphincters) pulse. This pulsing can be anywhere between 3 and 15 pulses depending on how strong your orgasm is. This is one of the ways the body releases during orgasm. All orgasms are different, but typically the more pulsing you experience the stronger and longer your orgasm will be.
So, if you are already clenching your asshole, you are already that much closer to your orgasm. Therefore you want to be sure to unclench your asshole unless you are trying to reach orgasm.
All about your asshole
Your asshole has 2 sphincters; an internal sphincter and an external sphincter. The internal sphincter only opens if something is exiting or entering. The external sphincter is one that you can release or tighten consciously. I only mention this because sometimes there is the concern that you will accidentally shit yourself if you unclench, but that won’t happen thanks to the internal sphincter!
Many of us carry a lot of shame surrounding our assholes. Just notice for yourself as you read this is you find yourself squirming in your chair. Does talking about this part of your body make you uncomfortable? Why? What did you learn about your privates as a young child? What stories do you carry about your genitals as an adult? It is a good idea to reflect when we get uncomfortable around where the discomfort came from and is it still needed.
What is my asshole is always tightening?
What commonly happens with early ejaculators is that as arousal shows up in the body, the sphincter and whole pelvic floor region tightens. This tightening is bringing you one step closer to orgasm. You want to help your body learn to experience arousal without clenching or tightening. We want to help reduce anxiety while arousal is building.