Going to a sex club for the first time can be exciting, as well as nerve-wracking. Seeing people live (and not on-screen) delighting in the pleasures of the flesh can be hard to fully prepare for.
When I first started exploring the sex club/swinging world years ago, I definitely remember feeling anxious.
Would I feel comfortable? Would I be able to say no? Would anyone want to play with me? Would I want to play with anyone?
Even today, after exploring many sex clubs all around the world, I still get a bit nervous before the big night. It’s normal to be slightly anxious, but what if you’re overwhelmingly nervous or not properly prepared? In that case, your night may turn from “vava boom” to “no-no home.”
As a sex and relationship coach, one of my offerings to clients are “Before and After” sessions aimed at helping couples feel divinely connected as they explore the sultry rooms of a sex club.
Why I love the sex club.
In a sex club, you have the freedom to explore anything you want. You’ll finally bring to life all those fantasies you’ve only explored inside your head.
Watching someone give a blow job, enjoy touching, licking, and kissing lots of luscious-looking skin, fucking in public while surrounded by others doing the same, meet another person to play with? Hey, you never know what might happen.
Of course, loving the idea of a sex club and actually going to one are two different things. I’ve found many people don’t explore sex clubs for a few different reasons.
First, because they’re not sure how to find one, or what to expect when once they arrive.
Second, they worry it’ll be an all out orgy and if they’re not into that, they’ll be unable to say NO.
Third, they’re not sure how to prepare themselves ahead of time. Instead of having fun, they picture themselves cowering in a corner, hoping no one approaches them.
As an expert in helping couples successfully navigate sex clubs, there are a few must-know tips to focus on when navigating your first (or any) sex club experience.
Planning for a Sex Club
Finding a venue.
Finding a venue, depending on where you live, may be one of the more difficult tasks. Thankfully, we have the internet to help us! Swinging sites are great places to find clubs, parties, sex saunas and more.
Once you find the right club, be mindful that most sex clubs offer a variety of different themed nights. This can be all types of fun, but make sure to choose a night based on your comfort level and interests.
Many clubs offer events geared toward newcomers, and some clubs will offer tours of the facility during off hours.
As a newcomer, you may be worried about seeing anyone you might know. Or, maybe you’re worried about running into someone from the club at the supermarket. In that case, have you considered making plans to travel outside your town or city?
It’s important to do your research for a sex club. Every establishment works differently. Check the rules and regulations on your preferred club’s website.
Look closely over consent rules, dress codes, prices, and where you’re allowed to have sex.
You should also check if the club has food, drinks, a drink minimum, and “couples only” nights. After all, you don’t want to show up by yourself to a couples night to only be turned away.
The more mentally prepared you are, the easier the club will be to navigate.
Transportation and accommodation.
Figure out how you’re getting to and from the event, and where you’ll be staying after the night is over. If the sex club is far away, consider booking an Airbnb or a hotel to make the night a sexy little getaway!
Keep in mind you’ll probably be spent after the evening and will not want to “plan” what to do next. Taking care of this little detail ahead of time will allow you to relish in all the fun you explored after the night is over.
I also prefer to have a lot of prep time before the evening starts. Meaning, if I plan to be at the venue at 10 pm, I might start preparing around 3 or 4 pm. The more special I treat the day, the more comfortable and present I feel that evening/night.
Once you’ve worked out the logistics for the evening, you’ll want to figure out your personal sexpectations for the night. The “discussing boundaries” conversation can range from very easy to extremely difficult.
If you’re going with your partner(s), you should decide your boundaries together. Will it be a night for just you, or do you plan to interact with other attendees?
If you decide to involve new people, what sexual acts are you comfortable with, and what protection will be used?
Some couples/groups have code words or signals to show their partner(s) that they’re not interested in someone who they’re interacting with.
This is your sexual game plan, so make sure you’re comfortable and that you and your partner(s) are on the same page.
I love spending time on myself and getting glammed up before going to an event, especially one at a sex club.
Choosing an outfit, doing my makeup and hair helps to calm and ground me. I use it as a form of self-care. Doing it before going to a sex club allows me feel confident, connected, and sexy.
Wearing a unique piece of clothing, jewelry, or lingerie can also be a great conversation starter.
Some of my favorite lingerie shops are (most of these companies also have great bathing suits btw):
For jewellery or body art, anything can be made sexy in my mind – but if you need some specific ideas:
Etsy has some great kinky ideas.
Going to a sex club takes some level of confidence. You want to feel good while you’re in attendance.
Reconfirming boundaries and moral support.
It is best to reconfirm your boundaries with the person or people you’re going with before the night begins.
While you already talked about the evening’s sexpectations, it’s always good to check in right before you leave.
You also want to check if everyone’s in the right headspace. Maybe you’re feeling a little anxious, or your partner(s) are freaking out. Leave some time before you head out the door to check in on feelings, needs, or special requests.
You want to both (or all) be on the same page and ready for the evening ahead.
Getting comfortable before heading out.
Having a small pre-game, solo or with your partner(s), can help you to relax before going out. Put on some music that makes you feel relaxed, grab a cocktail, or do whatever it takes to make you chill.
Upon checking in, a host will most likely go over the rules of the club. Listen to the host, even if you did your research, as you might have missed something. Depending on the club, they might give you a wristband, and a key for a locker.
A key for a locker is especially common at sex saunas (much less common in the US but a great way to relax, best of all – everyone’s already naked).
Tour the facilities.
When I first get to a sex club, I do a quick personal tour to check out the lay of the land.
Taking some time to get to know the building can give you confidence by familiarizing yourself with the space. It will also give you a chance to see all the rooms and how crowded the space is. Some clubs are quite large, like the Kit Kat Club in Berlin:
This is important in case you want or need to change rooms quickly. It’s also important if you need to quickly find the essentials, like condoms or the toilet.
Interacting with people
Most clubs have an “Ask Once” policy, meaning you can only approach a person/group of people once. If they say no, or you’re not asked to join them, you need to let them be. Do not keep approaching or trying to make contact. If you do this, you may be asked to leave the club.
However, a good amount of people in attendance are open to talking and flirting, and maybe playing if the connection is right. Be as respectful as possible, and be as charming as you would be on a date.
Making the move.
If the connection is right, it’s time to make the move.
Asking someone to go sit down or “Would you like to join me?” are perfect segues into pursuing something sexually.
Always ask your potential new play partner(s) what they’re open to doing before you start playing. If you haven’t’ started this practice yet, now’s the perfect time.
Most people at these venues will have boundaries of their own. Knowing them upfront will help you relax and enjoy your time more fully.
Checking in with yourself and your partner(s) throughout the evening is highly recommended. Sex clubs open doors to many new experiences and you might find yourself, or someone you came with, uncomfortable at some point.
Remember: consent is freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific.
Check in semi-regularly with yourself and those around you to make sure everyone is comfortable and happy.
Paris ‘Before and After’ the Sex Club.
I offer my “Before and After” the Sex Club sessions in the sexiest city on earth ~
I love Paris <3
- It’s hopelessly romantic.
- There are many, many sex club options so anyone can find what they’re looking for.
- You won’t run into anyone you know (pretty certain of this for my American friends).
- We always feel more free on vacations.
- You get to really step away from it all and focus on your couple.
My sessions are designed to help you undress, literally and metaphorically, while staying connected to each other throughout the night. Even more important, maintaining that connection after your night of passion, when you may be struggling with your emotions.
Let me assure you that sex clubs are not about forcing you beyond your boundaries. However, you need to know what those boundaries are before you step into a club.
In the “Before” sessions, we’ll work on setting clear boundaries and expectations so both of you can have the time of your lives!
The “Before” session will take place the day before you head to the sex club. I’ll meet up with you and your lover for a 3-hour “Before” session. We’ll meet in a private space and explore a variety of playful exercises specifically designed to get you ready for the night.
These games will help you communicate your boundaries and deepen your connection before heading to the club. That way, you can feel free to enjoy yourselves without moments of doubt or anxiety.
I’ll help you decide on a club – that can be a difficult decision to make in Paris.
At the club, you’ll have the time of your lives. You’ll discover each other in a whole new way and fall in love all over again.
In the 2 hour “After” session the next day, we’ll build on the connection you created and discuss what worked. What was good, fun, and sexy. Relish and delight in the experiences you shared.
We’ll also break down any misunderstandings that came up during the night and clear up any confusion or mixed feelings.
After all, there’s always room for improvement! By working through these issues, you’ll be able to introduce different types of sex into your relationship. You’ll heighten your desire for each other and have orgasms you’ll never forget.
Trust | Play | Intimacy
In short, you’ll have a night to remember and fantasize about for years to come, with support before and after the event.
Heading to the Sex Club is not just about sex, orgasms, and delectable flesh (although it is a lot about this). It’s about trusting each other on a deeper and more intimate level. Because connection, trust, and intimacy is what keeps couples together, long after they come down from the high of an orgasm.
Click HERE to learn more about ‘Before and After’ Sessions