The 4 most Important Phrases for Intimacy

When it come to intimacy between lovers, it helps to imagine a garden. Intimacy changes, grows, has season and certain times where only specific flowers and vegetables can grow. There is a continual tending to intimacy. A gently watering, if you will. For couples, there are 4 very important phrases that need to be repeated to one another. I would not ever say there is a one size fits all in regards to how often you say these. But, they need to be said to one another - and with some frequency.

Intimacy requires tending. Similar to a garden.

The interesting thing about these 4 phrases is that they are also very important to say to yourself. The way we treat ourselves is the way we treat those we are closest with. Really, think about this. Meaning, the more attention, care and love you share with yourself, the more you will be able to share, grow and love the other. We can only give what we ourselves know.

What are these magical phrases that will help transition your garden?

1. I love you
2. I am sorry
3. I forgive you
4. Thank you

They are simple. Yes. Yet, direct.

I want to invite you right now to close your eyes. 1. Let you attention focus on your breath. Inhale, exhale. Allow the breath to deepen, get longer and more full. Let somewhere in the body that is tight, begin to soften. 2. When you feel ready, out loud say to yourself. (Between each phrase, take a gently pause and notice what it feels like inside.) 'I love you I am sorry I forgive you Thank you' 3. Reflect, what was it like to say this out loud. Did one phrase feel easier, any feel more difficult. Did if feel like you saying this to yourself? Have you ever heard anyone else say these things to you? Have you longed to hear these phrases?

In my room, when I am working with these phrases, I recommend that people say them more than once to themselves or one another. If you say them again, does that feel different. You will most likely find that one of the phrases (if not all of them) really strikes a cord deep inside. In noticing what you are longing to hear - can you say this to yourself often. Remind yourself with the intention of the phrases. For couples, often life is so full of stuff, the subtle and most important parts are forgotten. These phrases help to remind one another of the deeper, more important reasons for being connected.

We can never say ' I love you' often enough.  From some people, they say I love you just like they might say 'Hi' or 'How ya doing.' This I love you, needs to be said with mindfulness and intention behind it. I love you is a century old expression of the heart. Allow yourself to feel the meaning of the expression vs the habit you may have gotten into.

We can never say 'I am sorry' enough.  Deep, raw intimacy requires many layer of self reflections. Our neurosis, blind spot and shadows will impact how we behave. How we connect. How we interact. For good will, trust and gentleness to shine, we must own when we have hurt or acted out of our growth edges.